A sense of unease

There has been a great deal of what I shall kindly refer to as “canned content” appearing here over the past several months. To those who have written to ask why all I can say is I find it difficult to insert my own recollections between these posts. I have asked if these excerpts might be placed elsewhere, but there are rather persuasive arguments made that as this is essentially ‘my’ story it makes sense to have it appear here.

 

Truth be told, I find it somewhat disturbing to read what has been written about me. I sometimes do not recognize the woman described therein. It has been my position throughout the last 5 years that most people cannot understand me and the easy explanation for the words I read is that I am correct. My friend brought expectations into this project and sought to force me to fit within the boundaries his expectations demanded, or so it might seem.

 

The juxtaposition of this biography and my more recent notions and recollections is problematic. I cannot reconcile the person I know myself to be with the person depicted in the chapters appearing here. It is not a matter of flagrant departures from what I consider to be the truth, rather it is an undercurrent, a sort of thematic discord, between my personal understanding of what these events mean to me and what they seem to mean to others. Perhaps I must admit I understand you as little as you understand me. It would certainly serve as well as an explanation of this sense of disconnection.

 

It is an unforgiving exercise, inviting a stranger into your world to poke, prod and ask uncomfortable questions. My own natural reticence likely made matters worse for both of us and I found it difficult to avoid manipulating him so as to obtain something more to my liking. Despite centuries of bending and adapting to whatever circumstances might present I am still rigid underneath and unwilling to have my sense of who I and what I am challenged by an outsider. Nonetheless I have allowed this to be done, and the tale is here for any who care to read it.

Part 3, Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Circa 130 BCE

Seven days. Seven days of running, hiding, backtracking and on occasion, killing. Seven days of knowing he was out there, relentless in his determination to bring me to heel. I could see it in him whenever I ventured close enough to spy him, see that this was not about punishment, nor about revenge. This was all about his honor and his power: he would not permit that I should stand against him.

His arrogance was as a God’s and I thought, perhaps, he must be one. As frustrating and maddening as I found all this, there was comfort of a sort in that notion. Here was a worthy adversary, the first I had ever encountered since realizing my divine nature. There must be the spark of the divine within him as well, for that could be the only plausible explanation for his unshakable tenacity.

Part 3, Chapter 23

Chapter 23

 

Ann Arbor, March 2005

I was getting kind of used to her patterns. Even after I told her it was counterproductive, we’d still lose a day here or there talking philosophy or politics or religion. She didn’t seem to believe in God but did respect spirituality in others, and her take on politics was always wild. Then sometimes she’d just abruptly tell me to get lost for a few days because she wanted a break.

Once, she was out of touch for a whole week, then called me one morning out of the blue and asked me to come meet her for breakfast the next day at eight in the morning. So I was kind of confused when there was no answer to repeated knocks on her door.

Suddenly, the door burst open. She leaned against the doorjamb, rubbing her head and running her hand through her hair, which was a complete mess. She was in her bare feet and wearing nothing but an enormous blue and gold football jersey.

“Morning,” she mumbled, her eyes half lidded and a dreamy smile on her lips. “Forgot you were coming, sorry,” she mumbled, rubbing and scratching her head.

“Wow,” I said, involuntarily.

She grinned sleepily, turned, and said, “Come on in.” Then she looked at the clock on the wall and yelled. “Yo Beef! It’s after eight!”

I heard a thump from her suite’s bedroom and a deep grunt. I looked around the suite and said, “Dear Jesus.” There was at least a case of beer cans, several empty whisky bottles, and some empty Chinese food and pizza boxes, along with what looked like mostly her clothes strewn all over the place. Some of the furniture was on its side and the coffee table was obviously broken. I just stared at her while she made her way to the kitchenette and poured out some juice.

“Thirsty?” she asked.

Part 3, Chapter 22

Chapter 22

 

Circa 130 BCE

Rhumenk, Slodhe had called them. They were rumored to have killed and enslaved some of the tribes far to the south, but Slodhe said they were not hostile in their encounters with his people, merely sought trade and hunting. I was angry at that last, for if they were hunting in my woods they had yet to pay their respects to me.

 I found them after only a half a day. They had obviously broken camp, and were headed north crashing loudly through my forest as if they had not a care or concern. There were so many of them, tens upon tens of them, most with extensive weaponry and some with oddly fitted bronze armor. Their garments were of a wide assortment, but all made from impressively finely knit cloth.

Part 3, Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Ann Arbor, March 2005

[—begin Journal entry—]

It is not often that people manage to surprise me, but Edna has been doing so almost from the day we met. I was wary of her at first, then fascinated by her as I learned more and more of her life.

She once was a pilot, learning to fly when she was barely twenty years old, and she and her husband pursued that with a passion, barnstorming across Pennsylvania in an old Jenny bi-plane. She flew aerobatics and did wing walking in daredevil shows, always describing those as some of the best days of her life.

Eventually she settled down and had three children, Joshua the youngest having been born in 1940. When World War II enveloped the United States her husband enlisted immediately, being selected as a trainer for the Army Air Corps due to his extensive piloting experience. Not to be outdone, Edna dropped her children with her mother and sought out an opportunity to do her part, eventually becoming a member of the Women’s Air Service Pilots ferrying bombers and fighters for the Army. She once confided to me that flying the twin-engine P-38 fighter was the “the most fun I ever had with my knickers on.” More than once she was reprimanded for tearing up airfields to the delight of onlookers before bringing her plane in for delivery.

I wish I had known her back then. We would have had much fun together. Throughout her life she always faced things head-on and never looked back in regret, and it is to that she credits her long life. Battles are to be fought and won: that is her belief and her motto. Her son Joshua was learning just what that meant firsthand.